Should I Make a Memorial Donation? How It Works, How Much, and What to Write

A memorial donation is a gift to a charity made in the name of someone who has died, usually because the family asked for one instead of flowers. It is the sympathy gesture that lasts: the flowers are gone in a week, and the gift to the hospice or the shelter is still doing something next year. Here is how it works end to end.

When the family names a charity

Give to that one. Not to one you prefer, not to one you think they would have liked more. The family chose it for a reason, often because it cared for the person at the end, and a gift elsewhere, however generous, is not what they asked for. The obituary usually gives the charity's name and sometimes a web address; if it names a fund at the charity ("the oncology unit", "the scholarship fund"), use that wording.

When no charity is named

Choose one close to the person: the hospice that cared for them, their church, the cause they volunteered for, the disease they died of, the animal shelter if they were that kind of person. If you are unsure, the hospice or the funeral home can tell you what the family has said. A gift to something unrelated can be made in their name too, but say in the card why you chose it.

How much

About what you would have spent on flowers: in the United States, somewhere between twenty-five and one hundred dollars for most people, more for close family and friends, less is fine from a student or a neighbour. The family is not told the amount, only that a gift was made, so the number is between you and the charity. The thought is registered at any size.

How to make it

• On the charity's website, look for "in memory of", "tribute gift" or "honour gift" on the donation form. Enter the person's full name as the obituary gave it.
• Give the family's name and address in the "notify" fields, so the charity sends them an acknowledgment. The obituary or the funeral home has the address; use the nearest relative named.
• By cheque, write "In memory of [Name]" on the memo line and enclose a note with the family's address for the acknowledgment.
• Through the funeral home, which often collects memorial gifts for the family's named charity at the service and forwards them with a list of donors.

How the family finds out

The charity sends the family a card or letter saying that a gift was made in the person's name by you, usually without the amount. This can take a few weeks. So also tell them yourself, in your sympathy card: "We made a gift to Northfield Hospice in Walter's memory." That line is the one they read on the day.

What to write

In the card to the family, one line about the gift and one true line about the person. In the note to the charity, the person's name, the family's name and address, and your own, for the tax receipt. Tax: a gift to a registered charity is deductible in the usual way; the fact that it was made in someone's memory changes nothing.

Larger gifts and funds

A family that wants something lasting can set up a named fund (a scholarship, a bench, a bursary, a research gift) and direct memorial gifts to it; most hospitals, universities and community foundations handle this routinely and will put the details in the obituary. For a memorial page, the online memorial can carry the link, so a gift is one tap from the story.