What to Do When Someone Dies: The First Hours, Days and Weeks, in Order

The first thing to know is that almost nothing on this list has to happen in the next hour. The second is that there are more steps than anyone expects, and most of them are paperwork. Below is the order that works, written for the United States, with the things that can wait a week marked so you can put them down.

The first hour

• If they were under hospice care, call the hospice number. A nurse comes, confirms the death, and tells you what happens next. You do not call 911.
• If they died at home and were not under hospice, call 911. An unexpected death at home has to be confirmed by someone with the authority to do it, and in many places that means police or a medical examiner come to the house. This is routine and not an accusation.
• In a hospital or nursing home, the staff handle the confirmation and will ask which funeral home to call. If you do not have one yet, say so; they can hold the person for a day or two while you choose.
• Sit with them if you want to. There is no rule that says the body must leave at once. Families who took an hour rarely regret it; families who were rushed often do.

The first day

• Choose a funeral home. Call two. Ask for their general price list, which they are required to give you, and ask what the transfer and the basic service cost. You are not committing to anything by asking. They will collect the person from wherever they are.
• Tell the closest people by phone, before anyone posts anything. The post can wait a day; a sister finding out from a comment thread cannot be undone.
• Find the documents, if they exist: a will, a prepaid funeral plan, written wishes about burial or cremation, military discharge papers (form DD-214) if they served. Look in the desk, the safe, the filing box, and with the lawyer if there was one.
• Secure the house and the pets. Lock up, take in the mail, feed whoever needs feeding.

The first week

• Meet the funeral home. Bring the documents, a photograph, clothes if there will be a viewing, and the names and dates you will need for the death certificate: full legal name, date and place of birth, parents' names, Social Security number, marital status, occupation.
• Decide the service, which is three decisions: burial or cremation; a service with the body present or a memorial later; religious or not. Everything else follows from those.
• Order death certificates. Ten certified copies is the usual advice. Every bank, insurer, pension and account will want one, and some will keep it.
• Write the obituary. The funeral home will post one on their site; the newspaper charges by the line; a memorial page is the version that stays findable by name. How to write it, and the writer here does it from your answers, free.
• Choose who speaks and who carries. A eulogy, readings, pallbearers. People are honored to be asked and need a few days' notice.
• Print the program. The order of service, the obituary, photographs. Twenty percent more copies than you expect to need.

What can wait two weeks

• Social Security. The funeral home usually reports the death. Call to confirm, and to ask about survivor benefits if there is a spouse or dependent child.
• Employer or pension, for final pay, life insurance through work, and benefits.
• Life insurance, with a death certificate. Claims are usually paid within weeks.
• The will and the estate. If there is a will, the named executor files it with the probate court. If there is not, the court appoints someone. A lawyer is worth an hour's fee to tell you whether you need one at all; small estates often do not.
• Banks, credit cards, utilities, subscriptions, the phone. One at a time, with a death certificate. Do not close a joint account until the surviving holder has moved what they need.
• Their online accounts. Memorialising or closing them is a separate afternoon.

What nobody tells you

The paperwork arrives in a wave about a month in, when the casseroles have stopped. Keep one folder and one list, and let one organised person run it. Expect the first bill from the funeral home before the service, not after; most ask for payment, or a signed agreement, up front. Expect at least one account that insists on speaking to the dead person. Expect to be fine for a week and then not fine in a supermarket. That is the ordinary shape of it, not a sign anything is wrong with you.