Best Obituary Phrases, and the Ones to Avoid

An obituary is mostly conventions, and the conventions are useful: they tell the reader where they are. The trick is to use the plain ones and skip the ones that have been used so often they mean nothing. Here are the phrases that work, sorted by where they go, and the ones to cut.

Opening lines

The plain forms:

• "[Name], [age], of [town], died on [date]."
• "[Name] died at home on [date], at [age]." / "…died peacefully on…" only if it was.
• "[Name], [age], died on [date] after a long illness." / "…after a short illness." / "…unexpectedly."

The better forms open with the person and put the date second:

• "[Name] taught second grade in [town] for thirty-one years. She died at home on [date]. She was 81."
• "[Name] drove a bus on Route 50 for twenty-nine years and held it for anyone running. He died on [date]."

Describing who they were

• "was known for…" / "will be remembered for…" followed by something specific, never a trait
• "spent [number] years as a…" / "worked [number] years at…"
• "could not pass a [yard sale / stray dog / child crying] without stopping"
• "never missed a [game / Sunday dinner / birthday call]"
• "said, often, that…" then the words they actually said, in quotation marks

Naming the family

• "She is survived by her husband of [number] years, [name]; her children, [names]; and [number] grandchildren."
• "He was preceded in death by his parents, [names], and his sister, [name]."
• "She leaves to cherish her memory…" (common in homegoing programs)
• "and a host of nieces, nephews, cousins and friends" when the list would otherwise never end
• "[Name] and her wife, [name]" / "his partner of [number] years, [name]" said plainly, as any other family member

The service

• "A funeral service will be held [day], [date], at [time] at [place]."
• "Visitation will be held [day] from [time] to [time] at [funeral home]."
• "A funeral Mass will be celebrated…" (Catholic) / "A homegoing service will be held…" / "A celebration of life will be held…"
• "Burial will follow at [cemetery]." / "Interment will be private."
• "The family will receive friends…" / "All who knew him are welcome."

Flowers and gifts

• "In lieu of flowers, the family asks that gifts be made to [charity]." (the standard form)
• "Instead of flowers, consider a gift to…" (the same, in plainer words)
• "Memorial gifts may be made to…" / "Flowers are welcome, or a gift to…"
• "The family suggests…" when it is a preference and not a request

Closing lines that work

• End on the service details, with nothing after them. Plain and complete.
• End on a thank-you: "The family thanks the nurses of [place], who cared for her as one of their own."
• End on something that continues: "The recipe is still made every Christmas Eve."
• End on their words: "As he said at the end of every phone call: 'Measure it again.'"

Phrases to avoid, and what to write instead